If love is like oxygen, I'm having trouble breathing...

I don't want to. Why is it so hard? Is it because I'm tired? I want to...damn homework. Is it me conforming to the person I was before. Or am I still him? I want to live again. I want to have a sense of purpose. I want a love. I want her to love me like she did. I want Katie.

Do I?
Yes, a thousand times yes
But you snap at her, and shoot her mean looks and remarks
But I don't mean to, I'm tired
Get fucking sleep then!
But I want to be with her as much as possible
But if most of the time you are with her your a dick to her, she won't want to be with you
.....
Hey! Whodathunkit!?
I want a job
Get one after the holidays
But I wo-
Won't be able to get gifts. You chose not to have a job. You can go a Christmas with no gifts to give
But that sucks...
Well you will know to work hard then to never have to do it again
I want to be with Katie
Then be the Justin she fell for. The one she said that she loved. Don't be sad. If you can't be happy with no sleep then get sleep so that person can come out again. Be her everything and treat her with the respect she deserves. You said you would want to be with her fir the rest of your life right?
Of course!!
Well, you are doing a crap job right now. Be something more that what you are now.
What?
Be her best wishes and dreams

Why can't I remember the smallest little things. Am I that oblivious? Do I not care? Am I that zoned out? Do I just have a horrible memory? I want to know. It's driving me insane.

So I'm really excited for Tuesday. Batman Dark knight comes out and I get to dress up as the joker to help support sales of the movie. That's awesome!!! I get to dress up and get paid! I think that's pretty awesome. So if you wanna see or you know anyone who wants to see a Joker running around best buy, go there from 2 to 10 and you will see me laughing and being a goober.

Other than that I'm really glad school is almost done. Thank god! Couldn't have been coming sooner.

And now I'm going to bed. I'm tired and kinda bummed. Anyone can come visit best buy. If you can't, I'll take pictures. Woo hoo!

Yeah, got and e-mail from Christian today updating us in his adventure across the world. It sounds like he is having fun, so I'm passing this off to anyone that wanted to know how he was and if you wanted to email him, send him a message at Christian.Colon-02@travis.af.mil
Yeah so....here's the message.

Hey buddy!! Just droping you a line from here in the middle east!! This is really just a update for whats been going on recently and such and such. You can fwd this or pass this along to the family, and the rest of the crew if there curious what I've been up to.

The fourteen hour flight from SFO wasnt that bad. The plane was preety large and everyone had a screen in front of them. It had a wide selection of new movies you could choose from. I got to see The Dark Knight before it even comes out on DVD!! :D

Well after that flight, we connected from Paris to Jeddah, took a really crazy cab drive from one airport to the other and then flew straight into our area. I got here about monday and started working wednesday I beileve. Our main body came in a little while ago and were into our shift work cycles now. I'm working three days on and one day off, 8 hour shifts and I'm working on a swing shift(2Pm-10PM). Its not too bad, but when I got here I was working the night shift from 7pm to 7am, so my sleep is still out of whack. It kinda sucks, because even now I'm up from 6am to 10pm, try to go to sleep and only sleep for about 5 hours, even when Im dead tired. I can't wait to get back to your house and sleep in that comfy guest bed.

Um thats preety much it so far. Its preety boring here with all this free time I got when Im not working. I'm not really used to it, I was expecting to work 12 hours everyday the whole time I was here. It kills time faster really. I just play games and watch movies when Im not working, or go running. This whole thing ends on the 21st and I'll be home the 26th, in the afternoon, SO I will be making it for Thanksgiving!

Well if anyone else you know wants to say hi or drop me a line, please pass out this email address to them. I cant really check internet sites, so I'm preety much just using this email address through a mobile office outlook site. And emails are nice, I like to know whats going on outside this hangar.

Well take care bro.

Much love,
Christian

I'm resetting my phone right now. Or I'm about to anyways. It's been acting buggy so I'm seeing of this will stop it from being so.....buggy. Yeah, I'm kinda tired. My jaw hurts.

Fuck politics!!!! I fucking hate it! All people do is fucking argue and push their own god damn opinions on each other and get all in a tizzy. I'm glad people have their own opinions. They can think whatever they want to think. I'm not gonna think differently of them or anything. But leave me the fuck alone when it comes to politics. I will vote, I will support what I want to support and I am gonna choose a decision based on what I would do or what I would like to happen. I fucking hate this shit so damn much.

Sorry for the rant. I've had too many conversations about this upcoming election and I am just getting fed up with this. I always hated talking about politics. Recently when I've tried to voice my opinion about anything I just get in bad mood. And it's not because people have an opposing opinion. I'm glad they do. It shows diversity and that people have their way of thinking. But when people ask me why I think like the way I do and start a debate with me on why I should change my choice because it is so wrong, I want to kick their face in. It's not like I just picked up an easy voters guide, skimmed through it, and made a decision in about 3 minutes. I've read about it and I made a choice. I know what parties are supporting and what they have to offer. I don't need to prove what I know about this election to anyone.

This rant isn't directed at anyone in particular. A few people at my school mostly. I'm just annoyed right now and I'm sorry if I offended anyone.

I got accepted to Sac! I thought I woulda been more excited. I am stoked, but I thought it woulda been more. If anything I thought my parents woulda been super excited, but they didn't seem too enthusiastic. I mean they did sound like they were happy for me, but I thought their reaction woulda been a bit more animated. Maybe they were tired, I dunno. Part of me thinks it's because they don't want me to go to Sac. Actually I think that is a big part for their reaction. Never the less, they are happy for me and at least I know I will not be here next year at ohlone or Las Positas.

On another note, Halloween is near and I can't wait! I'm dressing up as the joker from the Dark Knight! I'm excited about that. I got part of the costume so hopefully I'll be able to do a full outfit. If I can't get big purple jacket, oh well. If I can do the makeup well then I will drop by the thrift store and grab some clothes that look like the ones he wore at the bank heist in the first couple minutes if the movie. We will see how of goes.

I've applied to Northridge and Sac. It's weird. I'm gonna be going to a real college. Hopefully; if someone accepts me. I will see how it goes from here. I'm gonna be leaving Livermore and it's gonna be fun. I can now say I'm ready to leave this place and go somewhere new. I can't wait to see what's gonna happen. It's exciting.

I'm happy only about one thing right now. I'm done with my homework. For tonight anyways. Now time for bed.

Holy CRAP! I'm gonna be applying tomorrow! And I kinda don't know how to do it. I'm applying to 3 colleges and I don't know how long it will take and I kinda don't know what to do...Kinda bad, but I'm looking at the sites now to figure it out. If anyone has any advice, please send me a message or a call. But I'm gonna try to figure this out for now.

I'm finished. I don't want to be at a JC no more. I'm ready to move out into a real college now and frankly I sonny really care what what my major is. I mean I do care, I just don't care to the point in which I just want to leave. I'm now bored, or starting to get bored, at my house in Livermore.

Granted, I love my parents and love living with them. But right now I am so fed up of sitting in my classes at ohlone knowing I gotta wait one more year until I can leave. I get to apply in about a week and I can't wait to know that I will be leaving here. And as much as I like sign language, I don't know if I want to pursue it as a job or just for fun. Right now, I'm kinda bored with sign language classes and I more-so do it for fun, like a 2nd language. These classes are starting to make it become kinda boring and tedious.

I just want this semester to end.

I had work at 6 this morning and I got off from work last night at 11. Less than 5 hours of sleep but I got time and a half today so I made like 100 bucks just for today. Makes me happy.

Can't wait for a couple weeks cuz I'm gonna be getting an XBOX 360! I'm excited for that.

Can't wait for Re:CoM to come to the US. Woot!

I don't know how many times I have bounced back from wanting to do ASL or psychology for my major. I got to school today and felt like crap because I didn't get as much sleep as I wanted. Now I'm sitting waiting for my next class to start and I feel like I don't want to be here. But then when I did good on my test earlier, I felt like I wanted to be here and want to pursue this as a career. I'm so damn confused about what I want to do. I hate this. I'm bouncing back and forth not making up my mind on what I want and it's driving me crazy. I just hate the fact that I put time into ASL and now I'm throwing it away. Granted I haven't made a descision yet on what I want to do but I'm just tired of not being able to make a damn chiloice in my life. I don't know what I want to do anymore and I can't stand it.

10 hours of sleep is awesome! I so needed it.

So now that I'm not cranky anymore, I'm beter able to focus. I had a counselor appointment at ohlone today to find out what classes I need to take in order to get into either Northridge, Sonoma, or Sacramento. I talked with him for about a half hour and I came out feeling good. Then I talked with Katie who told me to try and see a counselor at Laspo. I did that and I think taking classes at Laspo is gonna be a lot easier than taking it at online and ttansfering all my units.

So I found out I need to take either history 8 or political science 7. One of the two. And I also need to take either math 42A or math 44. Either one. And then some psych classes if I'm gonna to psychology as my major.

I feel confused about what I want for my major and I need to make a choice very soon. So these classes will help me transfer. Hopefully I will make a decision soon of what I want to do; ASL or Psychology. I feel stupid for changing my mind so much and I just can't stand that my mind hops around so much.

So yeah. It's been a fun day, now I'm off to work.

Today was kinda a blah day. I worked way too early cuz I've been getting less than 6 hits the past 4 or 5 nights. I was tired all day. I felt like I was not being heard today, and I'm getting to bed way later than I wanted to. There we're only 3 good parts about today;
1. I got to see Katie
2. I got to see Joey
3. I got a root beer float.
I'm tired and I'm mad. I'm frustrated and really pissed off and it's keeping me from getting any sleep. My sleep schedule is so #%*$@^ up right now.

I don't like skype. It's too buggy and annoying.

Heh, I was looking at some old posts on how I used to to posting for money. I read them and was really annoyed by them. I can't believe I did that. Sorry if it bugged anyone that I was advertising. Haha I would of yelled at myself for doing that.

So I got this new dictionary for one of my Sign Language classes. It's for my ASL Vocab class and it's pretty cool. The best thing I like about it is that it came with a disk so that I can watch the word being signed and be able to look it up quickly so that i don't have to go down a long list to search for it! Well i could go down the long list...but it has a little search tab that will look for the word. Also it gives me synonyms of the word too so i don't need a thesaurus! I thought it was really cool and this will totally help me increase my vocabulary in sign. It's a lot better than the website i was using before.

Also....KATIE IS COMING TOMORROW!!! AHHHH!!! I'm excited! I get to see her(even though it's only been a couple days)But still! Were gonna go out to dinner when she gets here, or later that night when she gets here. So that's gonna make my day!

And livejournal is doing this weird thing where whenever I'm typing it is going up to the subject box and my text is continuing up there. GRRR...

And my phone is awesome and I'm putting more music on it and ringtones!

The only thing I'm waiting on now is Katie to finish her movie. I want to talk to her! I'm gonna give her a call.

After a couple of interesting weeks...I'm feeling better; physically and mentally. I realize that I need to focus on school a lot more than how I have in the past. I got a year to get myself strait with Ohlone and be applying for CSU's next month in October. This will be weird if I go down to L.A.

Anyway...I'm a lot less stressed about me and Katie. I was so worried earlier about us being apart. Yeah, it sucks but it isn't as dreadful as I thought it was going to be. Ive so far seen her every weekend since she moved up there so we haven't been too far away from each other. But I have no idea when I'll get to see her again, going up there I mean. My parents have already said that they would not like the fact that if i requested off one weekend a month to go up and see her. That's kinda annoying, but I can see where they are coming from.

Other than that, nothing else to update on. My iPhone is getting buggy for some reason and I get to make an appointment with a counselor soon. Woo hoo!

I can't sleep. This sucks. I want to sleep. I'm tired and sarting to get a headache. I hope I fall asleep soon. Bleh.